*Clap, clap* “MORE SPAM!”

Title, by the way, is a reference to those old Spam commercials where the weird guy would clap his hands and yell at the top of his lungs, “MORE SPAM!” (I can’t find any of them on YouTube, probably since I have the Internet acumen of a goldfish. You probably can though, assuming you’re not a goldfish.)

Anyway. Now that that’s out of the way.

Funniest spam comment ever: “Enjoy the item approving towards pretty good facts. Evidently nondiscriminatory wen upwards! When i continually complete definitely definitely not mushrooming/groving/escalating with these although desponding people performed some almost actively buddy-buddy depredate in addition to I’m indubitable a amount of people suavity this fewer regardless.”

This oozing slug of grammatical and rhetorical nightmarish reality scores high points for five reasons. First, not one of the collections of words ending in a period is actually a sentence (I would say English words, but four of them clearly aren’t). Second, though most spammers attempt to flatter you with their spam, this author tries to be original by lacking any kind of coherent meaning whatsoever. Third, the author clearly understands this and tries to rectify the fact by offering hopeful adjectives (groving? escalating?). Sorry, no dice, bud. Fourth, one of the words of dubious origin has what appears to my uneducated eye to be a Euro symbol stuck in the middle. Five, I didn’t know that ‘desponding’ is an actual word, but now I do. Thanks, spammer, for improving my vocabulary.

(And yes, I do read spam comments. They’re terribly amusing and make me howl with laughter. You should try it sometime. . .or are you a closet spam reader too?)

Long days and pleasant nights from the Tale-Weaver.